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Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Life's Timing ~ Lessons in Irony

Talk About Ironic!!!

Whenever I think of the word ironic, Alanis Morissette's iconic song from her Jagged Little Pill album(1995) comes to mind.

Ever really listened to the lyrics?
"Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face"

Story of my life. Seriously. Don't believe me? Okay let me tell you a lil story then. Come, gather around, while I tell you my ironic fate.
Well it all started when they medically retired my husband. Now don't get me wrong, this was all kinds of trials and tribulations just getting to the point of medical retirement and we were all kinds of happy that it finally happened, but it was still bitter-sweet. 10 years. Do something for 10 years and I promise whether you hated it, tolerated it, or downright loved it, no matter, what you will miss it. Irony.

But let us continue... There's this thing called a VA Loan. Anyone who has served in the US Armed Forces is "entitled" to it. Yes those were quotation marks. Why? Well what they don't tell you is yes, you are entitled to it, however, before you can use it you must meet certain criteria. #1 must? Have an average or above average credit score. What does that equate to? Must be over 620 to use what you are "entitled" to. Aww. That's not too bad, right? Wrong. No matter how diligent you try to be, there is always that one bill or item that falls through the cracks during a military move. Then.... it hits your credit. So, what this means is that the VA requires a certain credit rating that the military has, in fact. started the negative chain of events that has lead to it being sub-par. Irony.

Okay fast-forward time. A year has passed and you are still working on the satanic lil credit score. You've tried and failed 3 different times trying to get your family into a home that is not only bigger but is just downright more livable than the one you are currently residing in. What has made you fail??? Of course... Satan's Cosmic Joke~you or your significant other's credit score... You deal with a slumlord that thinks ignoring foundation leaks will make them go away, that the septic tank leakage is a great back yard, and mold that has decided to become that annoying uninvited guest that just won't leave is swell. All this while desperately seeking a way out, help, guidance, anything. And just when you are at your lowest and you don't think you can take anymore, here comes the sunshine in the rain. You get gifted a home through a program for wounded warriors (medically retired veterans) that is beautiful and more room and in a great neighborhood. Just when you were giving up on ever owning a home or being able to provide a good home for your family. Irony.

And just in case you are now complacent in thinking the tide has finally turned..... A week after you have finally moved in, pissed off water nymphs decide to make a pool out of your front yard and sprinkler system. At 11:30 at night. You and your significant other spend hours trying to find the cause. Could the kids have been playing with the control system and therefore are the culprits? Nope. Control system is still in the off position. Wait. WTH? Off? Did you say it's off? Okay, then, unplug it. No, that didn't work... hmmm. OH I KNOW! Check and see if there's a back-up battery! Yup, yup there is. So pull it out and it should stop, right? Umm, hey control box... you know when you have no battery and no power source you are supposed to shut off? Right? Umm. It's possessed I tell you! Completely possessed by pissed off water nymphs! Okay so now you are desperate. The other half decides to put a call into the city maybe they'll know what to do. So an hour or so later you now know its the valve controlling the first zone that has blown. The whole freaking solenoid blew off. We had water spraying up waist high from where the lil sucker was supposed to be! But, finally, water is off to the sprinkler system but back on to the house. 11:30 pm to 2:30 am...yay. So where's the irony in this one? It's that moment that you remember that when your oldest let the dog out at around 9:30 pm he asked if the sprinklers were on "cuz it sounds like it is". And what did you tell him? "No bud. Our system is turned off so it must be in neighbor's." Irony.

So what does all this amount to? There is no way around life's ironic timing. You just got to learn to live through your ironic fate..... in the little town of Fate. Irony?

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